I don't cry very often. But when I do, it's long and hard like a rainstorm. And then it passes, and my face goes back to the regular face you see everyday. I don't like feeling weak. In my life, I am the strong one. And I don't realize it until I have a weak moment and don't feel like I have anyone close enough to me where I can let go and cry, or yell, or be angry...because the roles are usually reversed. I have broad shoulders. It didn't really occur to me about the semi facade that I put up until Margaret texted me the other day and said "I know you are going through things too, you're just so strong, I sometimes forget." If only she knew...I feel like a mess sometimes. A train wreck at best. And I have a tendency to run over things in my path. Not intentionally. It just kinda happens that way. I feel like a rhinoceros trying to tiptoe through a store full of windchimes. I sometimes think that if I want to truly settle down and be something for someone, I am going to need to leave this business I am in. My persona and the real me have become more one in the same...even when I try to get back to the real me, the persona is still always there. She's always just below the surface. My safety blanket that I can pull out if I need to.

I'm just thinking...and thinking it shouldn't be this complicated. Note to self.