Just as Bad

The things you did hurt. They hurt just as bad as if they had happened yesterday. You say you have changed...and you blame me for us not moving forward because I can't let go of the past. But, when you weren't in my position, I'm sure that's easy for you to say.

Helpless. In love. And completely and utterly clueless as to what each day would bring. Constantly in fear of what would happen when your time was spent without me....

Is it possible to have inappropriate conversations with other women and still be in love and faithful to just one? Does it mean that you don't love this person any less, you just need the adventure of the conversation of another woman for a few hours? Can you look at pictures of the woman on the other end and still never actually physically cheat on the one you are in love with? What happens if words and pictures aren't enough? And what happens if I will never be enough either....

When I'm in a relationship, I don't hold inappropriate conversations...or trade photos...or flirt with other men...or put myself out there as available when I'm not. And maybe that's too much to expect from someone else? Or maybe just too much to expect from you...if we had a life together, I feel like I would have to just deal with this...and attempt to take comfort in the fact that at least you'd be coming home to me....but that sounds pathetic when I go back and read it.

And it still hurts...just as bad.