I read your blog. And your adventures are exciting...my jealousy of course rears it's ugly head for other reasons that I know I don't need to explain. Sigh. Pfffttt. Whatever...
I want to write something good for you. I am not in a good head space mentally, however. I am having a rough day emotionally and have been doing a lot of gigging in hopes of it making me feel better. It works while it's going on. As soon as that curtain comes down it's much like hitting a wall.
I am happy you are having a good time. I feel and fear that it's time to let go a little...you to New Orleans, me to you, and...and...
Feel it now or feel it later. What are your thoughts?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
My thoughts are that I just don't know at the moment. I don't know where I belong. i know where I want to be and I have an idea of where I should be, but where I belong isn't really the same.
ReplyDeleteI know that I havent made a lot of progress in my life in the last year in New Orleans. I've enjoyed my time, but another year has passed and at the end of it, I'm no better off. That's all well and good sometimes, but it can't be that way at the end of this one.
Jealousy; we'll, that's something that I can't really feel is fair. I've had the divided attention of everyone that I've been with for years and at some point I just want to be what matters most. No proxies, no friends with benefits; I'm tired of all the "sort of's and "almosts". It's time for me to wise up. I had to wise up on Halloween night...
Don't wite to serve a purpose. Write honestly and because you feel compelled to write. Write because you feel better when you've done it and not because you hope that I'll feel better reading it.
I'm figuring things out and so are you. The great thing is that we both have each other as friends while that happens.
I love you.
I wasn't implying that it was fair or not. I apologize. I KNOW it's not. But I can't help that I get jealous. And I won't pretend that I don't. It's only because I wish it were me. It's not ill willed. It's not malicious. I don't want you to think that.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve the best. Without a doubt. I have been filled with coulda's and shoulda's for months. But what's the point in all that.
I feel like you are getting all this pressure from everyone here to come back based one everything I see written. I will take a step back on that because right now, it's the last thing you need. If anything, getting away will give you some clarity and hopefully help you find where you belong. I understand. And I am here for you no matter where you decide your heart belongs.
I love you too.